It seems that I will be blabbering on in my infatuated way again, yet be aware that what I wish to do is mock the hyped up thoughts we have gotten far too used to:
Recently I have expressed my gratitude and adoration in my typical way and instead of being shunned I got PRCISELY and better in return!
This makes me think of how often I have put my heart out there, only for it to be tarnished somewhat, which leaves a bitter taste in the mouth, to the extent of nearly taking it for normality!
It was astounding to me that there is another being in this world that actually has a heart!
Sure, we had mutual best interests and there was the common will of good intent in the room, yet we did not disappoint one another (I think).
Too often there is something wrong with an interaction and the stupid brain gets lost in the details and the ALL too boring consistent and incessive meticulousness that perfectionism has flogged us on a daily basis with, but this one was different.
It left me with the sense of finding my crystal heart somehow. Through the cosmos, it put me in touch with who I really think I am deep down inside and I made a point of it to preserve this feeling of pink peace within me and even though it was precious and untouchable, it hopefully became a building block in my life.
I say hopefully, because as we live our fleeting lives, far too often these moments of ecstasy are shuffled under the rug as a “good experience” and one goes on to find more to feed our addiction. Yet this time I feel it has changed me a bit.
Most would just file this under frivolent ideas of fantasy, but it is something eternal I have stumbled across:
That feeling of hitting base, where ideas of how wonderful life is come to completion and one subtly realizes that sometimes life is better than what you think it will be in yet another way. Surprisingly and humbly showing that there is hope yet still – after all these years of dismay – there is still hope, for no reason really besides the one that is; doing good to others because it feels good. Somehow sharing your heart in a safe environment that awakens joy in a miraculous way that is neither too much, nor too little, or even coming close to idealistic targets for categories – just that soft, gentle, feel good middle, that is perfect and divine in the way it is.
How I wish to paint this happening over and over, work on the details and really have it shine in its grandure, yet that would be besides the point – You cannot pinpoint something like that happening. Its like I grew into a state of deserving such treatment – actually becoming ready to meet the self and NOT disappoint.
Open hearts and freedom in an energy that was not instantaneous and not failing my grasp, but somehow affecting me in a balanced way that changed me biologically to have a new perspective.
Rejuvenating and withstanding the trivial accusations that the mind throws at the experience that always bank on that something as wonderful as that is too good to be true.
Its like the feeling of letting go…