A doorway I often used was one that reminded me of a computer program in which there was a walkway I would take to the centre of a giant white room.

At its core there was a portal which at entrance would propel me a few feet above in a desynced state.

Here I would practice pulling myself together, over and over again.

From a myriad of forms such as dust particles and heavy rocks to become a man once again to computerized particles that had me manifesting limbs one by one until I could exit the sometimes torturing experience.

A curious exercise that had me discovering echelons of colour and forms of energy, always pulling myself together until I could feel the core of the soul once again – until I opened my eyes and was one again.

Later I would gather up my force and increase the difficulties until I had perfected the art.

This in theory would let me feel how the doors worked and how consciousness already present somehow yields the ability to traverse space into other realms.

I think it is due to biological benefits of doubt and undeciphered old knowledge that we journey through the world that now exists in ways that have become habitual instead of intuitive.

I know now that I took for granted my strength and had to regain a form of balance in humility that would make me kinder to myself and those around me.

The experiments with extremes had me being far too kind and far too harsh at times and would so form this character that snaps at stages and lashes out once a certain threshold was reached.

Regrettably I had found a flaw – the one alongside my clinginess that had me depressed once more.

Simply winding my mind into states of ignorance of my shortcomings was not good enough – I had to go through these qualities and nullify them.

My conscience would not rest until I was satisfied with an even calm within the storm that I am and nothing within me would stop the greater self from developing into a fully fledged partner to my beloved.