As if waking up in my place, where I do not need to decide what I wear, because the moment I step through doors I am clad in the appropriate attire, because I do not need to eat since I do not choose to, because I do not need to wash anything since I do not believe in dirt and I never sweat I got up and if walking by command I went through a door that was black, merely pinkish red pulsating at its bottom.

I miserably looked down at autumn leaves and fancy shoes. Taking a look at my cuffs I had a white suit on and feeling my beard that was not there I looked up.

I was in a forest on a stone path that had a white home ahead of me.

Everything had a red hue around me and to my dismay I had to admit that it was magical, yet as I know these places and as with everything good, they tend to bring one to an apex from which one can only fall.

I predict I’ll be forced to heighten my hopes once again, this broken love affair that keeps robbing me of companionship – forever Liza stealing my time to spend with others, some kind of battle or study. When that’s over she will find any reason to not spend time with me – through the aether or in person.

As my aura darkens I know I have to brave the entrance of that house, clearly filled with kind hearted and good people, only wanting the best of me.

Someone in there is here to cheer me up.

The wonderous walkway delivers me to the stairs that have me greeting a love sorceress in a quaint reception.

As always in this world they know im coming and have prepared some kind of welcome.

No different this time, the quiet place lets me calm down and a gentle woman approaches me sitting on a red bench.

She motions this broken soul to enter an office.

As I enter my mood lifts, yet I hold onto my dismay as if my life depended on it.

“Why do you do that?” She asks

“Because I’m not silly – I refuse to live in a way where a mere spell or aura lifts me up into such hights that I may crash surprisingly because I do not have the strength to carry on on such a pinnacle.”

“So you are being cautious? Moreover, you seem to need this depression for some reason…”

“It is all I have to motivate me to slay the dark – without it they would kill me as if I were some other creature obsessed with peace – exactly what every normal being does.”

I was starting to vent, right from the get-go. This woman knew which buttons to push.

“Within me is the wish to help out the dark and turn it into the light, yet each of us has not much to work with. We need fury, we need disobedience, we need anger and hatred. Without fuel this type of darkness kills the meek whenever it can. And when I say whenever I mean it.”

“We know” She admitted with a sad look in her eyes.

“It is time to et go of some of it” She used to change the subject with.

“Simply your presence here is making you let go of so much darkness – to you there is no other life, due to the changes you have gone through. It is merely a dream that you have to live back in a place where you had once belonged. Where you belong.

Simply a place free of strife, where each thought does not get torn down, or met with concepts of against or harsh consideration – as if doing good is a difficult choice.

With beings that do not have a black wedge impaled between good and evil.”

“The list goes on” I uttered.

I groan and puke the next words: ”So long we have tried to justify actions, so that they may turn into light, so long we have tried to drain the ulcers or at least find most of them.

The armies of the light are nearly powerless to create it when they needs to use weapons to defend it.

How is an army of light meant to finalize a goal when within it sticks the reason for its downfall? The justification of war in socalled “defence”?

Moreover, it has taken decades to simply get a point across that it lies within each soul to save itself through knowledge and awareness of the good, so that any communal uprising may be easier for everyone involved, yet the entire culture undermines itself due the previous justification.

It spills out more unrighteous abuse of sin such as lust for power, greed, bloodlust and obsession with the unnatural.”

“Calm down a bit” her words.

“It is as though every part of the soul that has spent too much time in this wretched plane has been cultivated too deeply – too thoroughly. Yes, I fear it is too late for a majority.

I have come to the point where I must give up great dreams and take my place among the soldiers instead of a commander.

I liked knowing where to go, find the crux objectives and notify the ones that are needed for the job, I loved a lot about it – yet now is the time for me to leave these planes and focus on cultivation of myself – my secret agenda and purpose has come to a close…”

“Glad that’s all out – you should have seen a therapist for those words, yet I do not wish to make you feel worse that you already do – lets see what energies are swirling around in your heart as this darkness leaves.

Blue, dissipating black and a lot, a load of red.

It seems that you wish to reconnect with your true love at all costs, yet you were unknowing of what blocked you.

A giant wish of yours is to merely live peacefully and absolve this quest with as much of your mind in tact as possible.

You want to live in the blue world of your memories, where everything was a matter of cultivating calm and there was fascination for “peaceful” endeavours.

This is by far not a sad or happy wish – we call it the land of balance.

It is natural release you seek, and believe me – if the white that is erupting in you has anything to do with it then you SHALL find it.

I believe there is nothing really wrong with your progress, and be assured that I will alert the others that are watching over you and Liza that they must send you easing energy of a new kind.

There are troughs of pain you are riddled with and those need to go.

For future necessities, you have built up enough memory to not need the darkness you carry. Practise summoning your resolve and it shell be there.

If you don’t mind, this session is starting to overwhelm my power and I would like it to end – regardless of finding natural endings through patience, this is not one of those endings.

Kind regards to Liza once you two meet up” She smiled.

I got “kicked” out haha

Well at least she got that I did not want to be made happy and let me vent.

To not feel bad, my heart let out an inversion and a study spell to make the house be able to cope with what I had released there.

I was sure they could analyse with ease due to their knowledge of ones that were always keeping an eye out for those in need. Like angels.