The recent change in plans due to my loves notice had me making plans to get her back.

I used my gained magic to conjure a series of doors that would lead me to understanding magic better.

If I were to take part in anything dark I need to be prepared to deal with it and nothing would stand in my way of getting her back into my life.

My first few doors failed – only seeing a couple of imbiciles thinking they knew magic. They tought me some tricks that would make me a buck or two through swindling, but my ideas had greater purpose.

I was after the real thing, some kind, any kind of light magic that would sway her darkness back into my good graces.

I had seen feathered angels and decapitated demons, but all of this did not hold a candle to controlling legions, vanquishing foes with mere words or any form of self defence though spells.

This weird world would churn me into a wizard like being that can wield energy with his hands and coerce my woman back into my arms with love spells if needed.

The world I had been accustomed to was oddly so hard, palpable and rooted in the logic of centainty and safety.

If magic existed anywhere it would within uncertainty.

As my journeys became longer and more frequent – only returning to the churning chasm when I needed sleep, I had my sofa in that dark apartment only to myself and my cat that almost never visited anymore due to my desynced visits.

That place was the only one I could rely on. It had become my anchor of this vortex and I did not feel welcome anywhere else.

Here I could think clearly and in a widespread manner, gaining strength to go into the miraculous world of dreams that I conjured while in the mode of preparation.

It had become a feeling that I had grown accustomed to where I lay awake to get ready in a pondering state that had me make the doorways, adventures and results that I needed.

Since I was trapped here, the basic philosophy was to conquer the realm in which you find yourself in and supercede.

This was a better strategy than adhering and living in a world that does not fit.

At least it was my attitude to somehow triumph over adversity at all costs, even if this mental/[hysical world splice was somehow of my own creation or wills.

The darkness cannot be tolerate, even if there is not end to it, I shall be the last to yield before the dark towers final win.

Who is to say that darkness wins overall when the light has always held that spot.

When did this reverse and why is this totalitarian rule something that needs to be slain in the first place? Is this world weak? Why is it like the thoughts that shape this world are somehow always caving in themselves?

These and other questions plagued me for quite some time, until I finally found another angelic portal like door that had me speaking to a wise woman, that had clearly cast a multitude of blessings around herself in the cathedral that I found her in.

It was very light filled and the windows were stained glass and the walls where white.

The walls had stories like hieroglyphs across them and there were book shelves of knowledge.

She was studying the old knowledge, yet had some of her own. She left me with thoughts and notions that what basis any form of light, colorful or dark magic had within it was that it relied on chance. On the belief in miracles, on the nuances of fates that seemed legendary and refined beyond logic or any form of detailed or analyzed belief.

She said that predicted circumstances were the enemy of anything magical and that notions thereof had to be banished for anything magical to even begin to occur.

Her final words were: It’s all in a spark.