Near to always I found myself shoveling dirt across my shoulders in search of meaning. So much so that I have given up the task and moved on distraction of a joyful kind. You have to do the digging until you feel as though you did enough of it so that it seems like a far easier journey to invest your time in things that give relief instead of insecurity.

What I mean is that the question to meaning is self interpreted and once you realize that you have to feed yourself better thoughts it comes only naturally that the effort gets replaced by a good activity.

I was lead on this path by a friend that told that being engaged in your own well being is the antidote to meaninglessness. I can speak of my early findings as being substantiating of this fact – I feel busy with emotionally charging activities and my days and mind are filled with relevant ideas.

Sooner or later I’ll return to digging through my psyche in the ever twisting spirals that we know will come in this cyclic life, but for now I am content with doing it part time.

If I happen to stumble upon a mindful topic I’ll have a gander, but going too deep might be too much to handle.

So much time was spent on evaluating trains of thought that I am grateful for, but it is time consuming and I fear my sanity is worth more than thinking endlessly on subjects that are so abstract that I cannot find my bearings.

We spend our lives in search of new things, hence the fad of short-term relief and our addiction to dopamine. Masters of the spirit will tell you that everything you need is right in front of you, yet how do we get there with our gaze fixated on the table alongside and our noses in other peoples business?

It takes growth to cultivate a sense of being that can see and appreciate what is before it. We are trained by society that reaching upward and peering downward in a hierarchy is the norm. With comparison as our weapon we strike down the good that grows like weeds in our soul.

How do we see the individual trees in the forest of every day life and appreciate them carefully? It is a task on its own that makes the spirit more mindful and adoring of the little things, that flourish into bigger things as we go along.

I keep achievements of mine close to my heart. Even though their mostly physical in nature – they remind me of what I have done and can still do in my life. There is a lot of metaphysical change that has occurred in my life, but its difficult to grasp – so I cling to objects that signify what I have conquered.

Each day I set out to get a little bit done and over time I hope it accumulates to something greater than just myself.