The spiritual teacher I am listening to motivated me to write this to go full circle. Since I feel so deeply about this subject it comes to no surprise that I am especially emotionally engaged in this. I am somewhat embarrassed to share my personal life in such an open stance, but not sharing how I feel might have negative consequences for me. As might even sharing this, in the end I hope that my personal perspective is respected. It is merely my belief and is not shared to put someone or a group down but to raise to the level I find a group to be at.

In my time as a lonesome single I have made many an attempt at coupling with someone of the opposite sex, to my dismay I became trapped in the sad reality that I might never find the perfect partner.

When I was young I had a dream – I would become the perfect man for a woman that I would share the rest of my life with, by twisting myself into everything I could hate about men and then untwist to become the new true me in its splendid form. Undergoing this mutation I contorted myself and eventually became this terrible being. Soon after letting go of it my subconscious brought it to life anew and I spent many years almost entirely alone in my plight.

Today I feel like I have gotten rid of the main things that disturbed me, after many a battle I am victorious. I now appreciate women on a much greater level, be it their ability to think with such strong emotions along with strong conviction, or how they spontaneously know things that they then engage in. How they seem to be so wholly engaged in every word and experience – like still water being touched by a falling drop and then ripple in their being.

There are many attributes to women I appreciate so deeply now when before I knew I loved them but felt like I could do better, by not taking them for granted or any other way I mistreated the feminine.

Overcoming this twisted self is something I did to become so much more aware of how I wish to be with a woman – give her my unyielding love, appreciation, time, patience, align to her needs and wants and adore her beyond measure. Giving a 110% feels like the norm now that I want to give in relationships and I feel like much more of a man – so much so that it doesn’t bother me what people think about me regarding this topic.

In general I used a shadow self that became so entangled with my real self that I had trouble nearly killing the shadow self, but violence was not the answer. Through diligent cultivation I succeeded in besting the contortion I had been in and straightened out my true self. For it feels like I corrupted the core, my strengthened core is now a true lover of women. In effect I want to go on and list other things that infatuate me about women, like attitudes and laughs along with hair color or dress sense, but I think I’ll keep most of it to myself and my love, for most things I have discovered are so great in my eyes but would seem normal in anothers. Beyond that I don’t want you to know that I’m a bit obsessed and too blue-eyed. There is still room to grow, for when I do meet my love I’ll be ready – I will give you no less than you deserve.