Not far from ironically a realization brings me to another centre in my mind. A place that feels balanced and safe to hold on to: it was yielded through analysis of attitudes I had about myself.

I noticed that I had gotten irritated with the same narrative and sought to critique it – this schism that I had gotten used to as being the ‘self’. A slanted view, with points that were clear and flaws that were that also.

So, when do we grow beyond a perspective and do we naturally do this at certain milestones in our lives, or does meditation play a role.

These are questions that I would love to answer for myself, yet I have to trust that my stillness practices are paying off and that it is a normal procession of tending to the garden of thoughts that has me fulfilled when there is blooming happening.

Returning to the conundrum that I had at hand I have to mention that it has been a trip that has gone from being extremely focused on achieving a state I had no clue of what it felt like. The constant churning through rights and wrongs had me convinced that what I thought others were thinking of was interpreted by me correctly, yet when swaying my focus onto how often I was wrong about what I thought, I was greatly relieved to get feedback that proved to me that it was about an even scale where, merely, my perception and intent had the highest effect.

To sum this up; I realized that when I felt great I got great responses, as I let my attitude and love spill over to others, while when I was in disagreement with something the intuitive feeling I got was that there was conflict.

My own interpretation was the key, and the feeling is what I rely on – positive brings positive and so on.

What I am getting at is that my own perception and prediction is directly related to how I experience the world, myself and others.

It is seemingly a very stupid thing to write these thoughts down, for in retrospect these facts seem obvious and we have been cautioned toward these beliefs many times, yet to share these moments of my life in writing means the world to me. It makes things concrete and gives witness testimony, along with motivation, to others (I hope) and the main reason that I write this is due the sheer disbelief that things have gotten so clear.

Unfathomable it is that I have been in the dark all these years only to now know that I can rest more easily.

Having to be right all the time means stress for us, and in our minds we are correct so often that we get lost in it – how jovial we may be that we may go wrong and that that’s fine.

Getting back to the irony of things; it is funny to me that I have gone through copious amounts of realizations and this is just another one of them. This pinnacle is something special – I don’t know why or how, but to precipitate things to the nitty gritty: I will be eating a lot more chocolate in future – just because I know a secret to life is an endorphin!