Its funny how illusions break apart when something you experience weighs on them. Analysing a relationship in my life and how I’ve grown up in that certain environment I always let myself be abused or misunderstood by a stereotype. My kindness is always taken up as weakness and dependency as if I were someone begging for something that I do not really need. I give freely to anyone that asks if I can afford it yet when I ask for a small favour in return a certain type of person always makes me feel bad for having done so.

When focusing on what they are losing by giving its like I’m doing them a disservice and stabbing them in the back on top of it. It is said that the poor are more willing to share and give freely without any want for return and that is what we thrive on. There are far more poor people in the world that share the wealth that supposedly the rich work for – but that is just the slant that is out money system.

Getting a return on what I give out is not what I aim for but the little reciprocation I do get I cherish with my heart. Feeling bad for wanting more and holding that belief feels as though that would be seen as arrogant but those that insist on getting paid their worth are respected for it and some even play with prices to manipulate that exchange, catapulting individuals into amazing riches that then get squandered in acts of meaningless purchase of goods that have merely a physical value to them.

So materialistic is our culture that those living at the bottom sustain all the spirit and those at the top have all the wealth and power. We know that emotion is what we search for and we appreciate what we get for we do not see ourselves as these giant forces that pull so much economical weight.

So life has kept me a small man, not asking for much and giving all I can. In the past whenever I have dared speaking up or taking a stance I was bullied down into the place where the powerful liked me – voiceless and insecure. Since recently I have begun working on my self image and restored parts of it to a better quality – I am merely a voice among the many but a voice worth listening to along with the many others. It all depends on taste – since we have abundance we can tailor ourselves with any color or cloth.

Having lived my style I have a certain taste that is unique, yet I find that ground rules in this world are materialistically set and their difficult to live by. How I wish the system would reflect the spirit of the many – even the beggars at the street that have nothing would contribute more than some of our richest parts.

Whenever I speak to some of them their full of belief but their self image is destroyed. Humanitarian acts are what they abuse to get their next fix and it is clear to me that they live far more difficult lives than I can imagine. No amount of money will save them, but if we all chose to without money we would be left with just pure acts of caring and compassion. It is one of my greatest wishes for this world to go to a resource based economy, but hardly anyone knows about it and the ones in power venture against it while the rest does not believe in it or discredits that we can achieve it when regarding the way we’re evolving.

The ones in power like to keep the small people small and fight of the ones that rise – if this were not the case kennedy would not have been assassinated, we would be chauffeured in electric cars and our system would work on geothermal power. Our problems are not mechanical – they are spiritual.

Seemingly we have to outgrow the old system or break it down, and its far too powerful to break down easily – it will take the entire culture to do that. So maybe there is a chance but what I think is more realistic is that we shall outgrow it while breaking down its pillars one by one.

There is much to learn and a great sea to journey over until we can reach our destination. The way there will be enlightening, relieving and tiresome but we will get there.